


A+X: Red Sandwich

by Brennan4



Series: A+X [2]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel 616, X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: A+X, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-14 00:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brennan4/pseuds/Brennan4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by (ripping off)Marvel's A+X series, I present a series of one shots in which an Avenger and an X-Men character meet up and do... something. Heroes, villains, morally ambiguous types, everyone and anyone can show up! Romance, friendship, rivalry, and sassiness! Comedy! Drama! Adventure! We've got it all! In this story, Scarlet Witch and Deadpool deal with a pissy deli owner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A+X: Red Sandwich

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during the current run of Uncanny Avengers and Deadpool. Deadpool's use of italics is blatantly stolen from a fic called "The Worst That Could Happen" by Sapphy

Wanda did the best to ignore the strange looks she got as she walked in Uncle Sam's Deli. In hindsight, maybe wearing the striking red jacket that was now a regular part of her costume hadn't been such a great idea. Then again, where's the fun in being an Avenger if you had to hide it?

She passed the deli patrons as they stared at her open mouthed and made her way straight to the counter. She was tired of living in shame for what she had done, and wasn't going to let anyone bring her down.

"Excuse me sir, I'd like to order a-"

The owner cut her off. "I'm going to stop you right there. Ya see, we have a strict policy of not serving anyone who is guilty of genocide." He snarled the last word and glared straight into Wanda's eyes. She glared back.

"Are we really going to do this?" she asked in a mock-sweet tone. The owner smiled and casually adjusted a tray of napkins, pretending to not even notice Wanda.

"I'm afraid so. Now why don't you wander of back to your team of traitors and I'll get back to business, you psycho bitch."

Wanda sighed with exasperation. This is what she got for trying to do something nice. She was only here because she remembered Steve said this used to be his favorite place to get a sandwich. He had suffered a stab wound in battle with Baron Zemo yesterday and was still recuperating. She thought it might be nice to get him his favorite lunch. Lord knows the team could benefit from some random acts of kindness between each other. 

But this clearly just wasn't in the cards. So she turned away and began to leave the deli. She was halfway to the door when it burst open and a figure clad in red and black spandex burst through.

"'Sup, hosers! For those of you who don't know ( _and because the author sucks at exposition)_ , I'm Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth. And right now I need a goddamned sandwich!"

Deadpool sauntered in and waved a submachine gun in the air, blissfully ignoring the panicked gasps of the bystanders. "You see, I've got a bit of a blood sugar problem, and if I don't get something to eat soon I'll pass out and have to regenerate my own stomach. It sucks."

The mercenary turned his attention to the owner. He still wasn't aiming the gun at anything in particular. "Now if you could just give me a-"

Without hesitating for a second, the owner reached under the counter and pulled out a twelve gauge shotgun. He fired, hitting Deadpool right in the chest. Dazed, the mercenary backed out the door and into the street, clutching his bleeding chest. A bus struck him head-on, hurling his body a dozen yards down the street.

Wanda followed the bloodstains to where Deadpool had landed in a pile of newspapers.

She knelt beside him as his wounds regenerated. She asked, "You alright?"

The mercenary spat up blood and said, "Sure. Want to team up?"

She scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"That's the point of these ficlets, isn't it? An Avenger and an X-Man team up, _yeah, shut up. I know she's sort of an X-Man and I'm sort of not, just play along._ And we have a short adventure together! It'll be great."

Wand could do nothing more than raise an eyebrow. "What makes you think I need your help with anything?"

"That deli owner was being a total dick to you. _Yeah, she's hot, get over it._ Say, do you still have your hex powers or whatever they're called? The ones that cause bad luck?

Cautiously, Wanda nodded.

" _Screw you, it's a great idea._ " muttered Deadpool to himself, loud enough for Wanda to hear.

Trying to hide her confusion, Wanda asked, "What's a great idea?"

"Despite what Voice #2 says, I think we should pull a prank on that guy. And post it on the Internet. _No I'm not making a sex tape. Remember what happened last time?"_

Wanda said, "I'll help you if you tell me who you keep talking to. And don't kill anyone. And keep my name out of it."

She could see Deadpool smiling under his mask. "Sure! Whenever I'm talking in italics, I'm talking to one of my voices, which is tricky to convey in prose. And I won't kill anyone, we'll just mess with them a little."

He crossed his fingers and waved them in front of Wanda.

"So what's your plan?"

Deadpool pulled out a video camera. "It involves sneaking in at night and messing with their stuff."

That night, Deadpool and Wanda snuck in and messed with their stuff.

The following morning, Wanda came out of her bedroom to find all of the Avengers huddled around a laptop.

"What are you all watching?"

Alex turned and said, "Deadpool posted a prank video again. It's actually pretty funny, better than that one with the sheep."

Wand peeked over their shoulders and saw the kitchen of Uncle Sam's Deli. As soon as the owner walked in, virtually everything collapsed around him. Nothing was permanently damaged, but all of the utensils, pots, and pans seemed to throw themselves at him. He was left standing pathetically in the center of a kitchen that had fallen into disarray. He stood still for a full minute trying to process what had happened.

"Isn't that your favorite deli, Steve?"

"It used to be, until the new guy took over. He's a bit of a jerk. Totally had it coming."

Wanda smiled. "Well, congratulations to whomever helped Deadpool."

The End.

 


End file.
